Frozen Diaries

Mythiri’s Diary – 26st Jan 2014 9.30 PM

For the first time in 24 years I was up before my alarm rang. Actually I had never slept. Today was a special day. Today I was going to propose to my best friend. I was nervous yet excited. It was a heady mix of emotions I couldn’t describe. May be this is what, being in love is like. I stepped out of bed and ran to the bathroom for a quick shower. I had to catch Nikhil before anyone else did. Today was also Nikhil’s birthday. Precisely the reason why I chose this day to tell him those three words I have carried in my heart for the last four years.

I was out of the shower in ten minutes. I stood before the mirror wearing my best dress. A bright red knee length dress accessorized with a thin black leather belt around my waist with a shiny buckle. My hair let loose and dripping wet. I dint have time to dry it and anyways Nikhil loved it when I left it open. It was 7.58 am when I rang his door bell and waited expectantly. All these months I waited for him to take the first step forward but knowing him I should have guessed better. He was afraid I would decline. Maybe that’s what kept him back. Well not anymore. Today I shall give our relationship a new name. I dug into my satchel to ensure I had packed the two cards I had got for him. One was a Birthday Card. The other carried those three special words.

It was Nikhil’s Mom who greeted me as she opened the door. By now she was used to having me at her house more often than her own son. I rushed towards Nikhil’s bedroom and barged inside without knocking. Nikhil was seated on the bed reading a book. He didn’t see me creep up to him. ‘Happy Birthday Niks’ I yelled and jumped on him from behind. We both fell on the bed and burst into a jiggle. Nikhil hugged me back and said thank you. Like always he stretched out his hand and closed his eyes expecting a surprise gift. I dig into my satchel wondering which card to pick. Against my will I took out the Happy Birthday one and kept it on his hand. Nikhil opened his eyes but the smile on his face turned into a frown. ‘That’s it? Don’t I deserve something better?’ he asked while uninterestedly flipping through it. ‘All n good time Niks, be patient’ I said and took a seat on the bed.

‘It is good that you came I wanted to talk to you about something and its important’ said Nikhil even before I could broach the subject. I smiled. I saw it coming. This had to be it. Nikhil was finally proposing. This was even better than I had imagined. I held my breath and waited.

‘My wedding is fixed!’ said Nikhil

‘Yeah right’ I burst into laughter while Nikhil stood still confused and irritated at my reaction. I laughed for a minute or so and when I was done Nikhil still looked the same-Irritated; and then as if could read his eyes I saw it. Nikhil was serious He was not joking. For a second my mind went blank. I couldn’t believe it was happening. But it was. The walls were closing in on me. I couldn’t breathe. Nikhil was saying something but all I could hear was ‘My Wedding is fixed’. I turned and ran out of the house not stopping to bid farewell. If I had Nikhil would have seen the tears in my eyes.

There is nothing more that I want to say. Nothing more that I wish to write. I craved for you but I now know you are not meant for me. Good Bye Nikhil

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Nikhil’s Diary

1st July 2014

It has been more than six months , but I still remember every second of what happened on the day Mythiri came home to propose but never did. I wish she had. There’s a chance things could have been different today.

I still remember the last time we met. How she had laughed. That infectious smile, that twinkle in her eyes. She thought I was kidding. But I wasn’t. I told her about Sakshi. The girl I was expected to marry. Sakshi was my paternal cousin. She was orphaned at birth and was living with my grandparents. However they were now too old to take care of her and wanted someone else to take up her responsibility. The elders met and decided to move Sakhsi to Chennai to help her pursue her education. It was unanimously decided that she would stay at our place . However the ladies of the household were a little apprehensive about moving her into a house with a young bachelor. Even though we were related and staying with family , there were chances that Sakshi’s social image could be maligned making her prospects of getting an alliance dim. My grandparents wanted to get her married at the earliest so that they would be set free from her responsibilities. As talks progressed ,the decision was made to have Sakshi married to me. That way she could move in without endangering anyone’s reputation. Everyone seemed ok and all were happy. All, except one. I was not happy.

For the last two years of my life I had loved just one person in my life. My best friend -Mythiri. The moment I heard of my marriage to Sakshi I objected. I told mom I was too young for marriage. I told dad I had a year more for college to finish and wasn’t even settled. My parents coaxed me to find reason. Sakshi was a nice girl. She would make a wonderful wife and she desperately needed help. Age was not a factor and I was to pick up my dad’s business so there was no need to be settled. I decided to confide in mom. Knowing how close a friend Mythiri was she asked me how Mythiri felt . I fumbled cause I was not even sure if Mythiri loved me. What if she refused. Would that be the end of our relationship. Till date Mythiri had never said anything.There was only one way to find out. If Mythiri knew about my marriage I would be able to gauge her reaction .I would know if Mythiri felt the same about me. If she did I could break this alliance. I would have Mom’s support, and since then it was the first thing I had wanted to tell Mythiri.

But when I did, Mythiri just stared back. It was as though she was seeing everything but her mind had registered nothing. I wanted to hold her, to hug her to tell her I loved her. To ask , if she did? But Mythiri wasn’t paying attention. All of a sudden it looked like she didn’t care. A minute later she turned and rushed out of my house. I stood still but Mythiri did not turn back. Not once. Had she, she would have seen me cry for the first time in her life

It was 6AM when I heard the knock on the door. It had rained all night and was still pouring. I hadn’t slept a wink partly due to Mythiri’s weird reaction and partly due to the rain.I still did not know what she was thinking when she ran out. The knock resounded . I got out of bed and walked to the door. Unlatching it I saw Mythiri’s Dad at the door drenched in the rain. The look on his face said it all. He dug into pocket of his shirt and handed me a letter. I opened it and read it.The ink was smeared in parts due to the rain. It wasn’t a letter, it was a page. A page torn from Mythiri’s Diary, the last page of her diary.

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28th Jan 2014

There was no newspaper printed on the 27th of Jan because of the republic day holiday . On the 28th of Jan Chennai woke up to pictures of Republic day parade on the first page followed by the Prime ministers speech in detail. On the third page, the lower right hand section carried an article that looked inconsequential to many but for one person the world had come crashing down. The article read as follows

’24 year old female ‘Mythiri Raj’ commits suicide by hanging. Reason unknown’

Be my guest!

So the last two weekends have been hectic. What else would you expect when you have a house full of guests? As the last of the suitcases were packed today morning and dropped off at the airport, we all breathed a sigh of relief. You know how tiresome some guests can be. You just wish to get rid of them at the earliest.  How I wish we could lay down some of the basic etiquette to be followed at the entrance to our house, but in a country where we all believe in ‘Atithi Devo Bhavah” , would you dare do that? I do however, wish to make use of this modem to write down a couple of basic rules to be followed when you land up at somebody’s place just to make sure your host does not dread your arrival or stay.

Here’s a quick list of Do’s and Don’ts that you can adhere to

Do’s:

1     Let your host know about your stay in advance

–          Surprises are good, but not always welcome. If you are planning to drop in and be a guest do intimate the family about your arrival. More importantly let them know how long you intend to avail their services. Your host might think it rude to ask you when you intend to leave, but all the same they do wish to know how long you will be there. After all they need to make arrangements in order to make your stay comfortable. So keep the guessing game for some other day and be forthright about your travel plans

2.       Specify your food preferences.

–          Every host strives to make your stay comfortable. However like all humans they too end up assuming things at times. Which includes them making choices about what you would like to have for dinner or breakfast. After all deciding the menu with you may not always be feasible. So if you are allergic to certain foods be forthright and tell your host about it. Let them know if you are a vegetarian or diabetic. You do not want them to toil in the kitchen for foods that you cannot consume at the end of the day

 3.         Use your own toiletries.

–             Yes. This is most important. You aren’t part of family. You are just a guest. So behave like one. Don’t show your birth right over the bar of soap lying in the bathroom and or feel free to rub it all over your body. Ever heard of hygiene aspects. For those hosts who face such issues and feel it awkward to correct the guest, I would recommend using liquid body soap. I once had a guest who walked into the bathroom and ended up using a bar of soap that was meant for our pet. Well, for once I didn’t complain about the soap being shared. Not sure about my pet though. So be it tooth paste, shaving cream, or a perfume, stick to your own.

Don’ts:

In most middle class families, chances are, when you land up at their place, you will end up sharing a bedroom with one of the housemates. Unless of course you are smart enough to throw the house mates onto the living room couch and get the entire bedroom to yourself. Or if you happen to be at a place, where they do have a guest bedroom-Viola! Well in that case you can ignore the below ‘don’ts. But if you are sharing a bedroom here’s what you need to keep in mind:

4.       When sharing a room , keep it tidy

–           You know how much we love your clothes. But putting it all over our bed for display is not exactly what we look forward to.  And then there are those guest who feel a little too much at  home, that not only do you have their clothes lying in a heap on your bed, but amidst them would be the guest himself/herself either taking a nap or busy ‘texting’ on the mobile, while you stand and wonder if you should make room for yourself on the bed or better still sleep on the floor. Keep the bed tidy and neat. Do not bring your lifestyle to the house of your host. Also make it a point to wash your feet when you come from outside and then step on to the bed. I have had guests return home from sightseeing and jump straight onto the bed claiming how tired they were. Believe me the next time they return they get assigned to the couch in the living room

5.       That suitcase of yours needs to stay off the bed’

–          Yes. Please restrain from keeping your suitcase on the bed when flicking through clothes or accessories. For all we know you might have dragged that fat trolley of yours all through the airport , railway station , bus stands. Come, on admit it. Your trolley bags have seen as much dirt as the soles of your shoes. Keep them away from the beds. Use a table or best use the floor. This is not your house, and getting all the dirt and grime to an area where you are meant to retire for the night is not so cool. You can’t expect the host to be washing bed sheets and bedspreads daily. As it is you are enough of a burden.

Compromises: Don’t just expect the host to make all the compromises. Be ready to make some of your own

6.          You might not like pets- but then the choice isn’t yours to make

–          So here’s the deal. Do not curse, glare or scold the family pet, if any. If you do not like pets be it dogs/cats/rats, let us know. We will have them tied or put in a crate, and do our best to keep them away from you. Do not expect us to get rid of them every time you pop over. They are part of family, and we do not get rid of family as per your convenience. So if you allergic to pets or are scared of them ,let the host know about it. I am sure they will understand and make alternative arrangements. Do not lament about it after your arrival.

7              If you hear an argument- STAY OUT OF IT

–            Every house has its share of woes. Your host’s is no different. Even though they try to present themselves as the perfect happy family, they are not. Arguments and fights are bound to happen, and when they do, if you by any chance happen to be there on that couch in the living room while they engage in hurling accusations ,verbal abuses , pillows and utensils at each other, please do not jump in and join the wagon, much as you would like to. Pretend you never heard it, or just excuse yourself before they get into a brawl. Taking sides is the worst thing to do. Refrain from sharing your thoughts or opinions. Believe me, eventually the family will get back together, and you might just have to eat your words

And Finally,

 8            Thanks and good-byes

–           Before you leave, do consider getting a token gift of gratitude for your host. After all they have tried to take time out of their busy schedules and let you into the privacy of their homes.  Even if you do forget the gift, please do not forget to intimate your host of your safe arrival, when you reach back home. For all you know, your host might have taken pains to drop you off at the airport in the middle of the night or at the station early in the morning.  For courtesy sake call back to intimate your safe arrival and let them know how much you enjoyed the stay. If you can- call them over to return the favor! I know that’ s the tough part, but then would you not want God to pay you a visit once in while 🙂

The String of Pearls

Clasped in my palms, a string of pearls
A gift so dear, from a special soul
How clearly I remember, the night you came
And wrapped me up in a tight embrace
Adorned my neck with the string of pearls
 
 
The beads that lay, on the string of pearls
Like drops of dew, before the dawn breaks
Hooked to a thread so tender and fragile
So ethereal and delicate, a jewel so precious
How close to my heart was the string of pearls
 
 
Everywhere I went, I wore the string of pearls
To Everyone I met, I displayed your gift of love
Some were jealous, some indifferent,
Few acknowledged, a love so rare
A priceless souvenir -my string of pearls,
 
 
I looked my best with the string of pearls,
So on your Birthday, I put them on
And waited all day, all evening and night;
But you never showed up. You never called back.
Alone I was, with your string of pearls
 
I slept on the chair, wearing the string of pearls
It was past twelve, when you came home drunk
You woke me up and said you were leaving
You had chosen your wife, and it wasn’t me
I stood there stunned, clinging to the string of pearls
 
 
Tears rolled down to my string of pearls
I refused to budge, to leave you forever
I know you were drunk, so you abused and cursed me
But never did I dream, you would raise your hand
You broke my trust and the string of pearls
 
 
Split in two, was my string of pearls
Scattered to the floor were the beads so dear
You crushed my faith, my respect, and my love
Wounded on the outside, shattered from within
I bent down and picked, my broken string of pearls
 
 
So fond was I of the String of pearls,
But you left me hurt, betrayed and lifeless
I made up my mind to live without you,
Into the trash, I threw your token of love
Today it was nothing, but a string of pearls

Love thy Neighbor

You know those days when you have a weird inkling that you might be having a visitor today. Well It happens not just with humans but with dogs too. This morning I woke up to see my Labrador not on my bed but instead on the floor pacing around waiting for the door to be opened. All the while she continues to make the usual sounds that imply she must ,I repeat, she must be let out immediately, if not the consequences could range from urine wet floor to potty colored tiles. I wake up hastily and leave the door ajar and then go back to bed knowing all too well that Zoie would finish her business in two minutes and come back to bed to snuggle underneath my blanket. Well this morning she proved me wrong, cause I wake up half an hour later to see the little piece of devil hasn’t returned back. So I sit up and wonder if I should head out and see what she has been up to. Well wonder is all I do , cause a minute later I fall fast asleep. When I wake up for a third time that morning and see that the devil is still missing when on any other day she would have had her breakfast by now and be fast asleep on my bed with her hind legs in the air and belly facing the roof, I now know for sure that little Zoie has definitely been up to something and not wanting to see some of my worst fears come true- which vary from her chewing on my latest pair of sandals (net worth Rs 500) to tearing apart the car cover (Net worth Rs 1200) or worse trampling upon the little saplings in my mom’s garden (Net worth: Priceless), I gingerly make my way to the sit out ; and what do I find. Well Little Zoie is all glued to the gate. I repeat glued as in stuck to the gate . I call out once , twice , thrice but there she stands there, the disobedient bitch, not once glancing my way but busy wagging her tail, and sticking her head out through the metal rungs to catch a glimpse of someone whom she feels is more important that her wretched master standing behind her. So I stifle a yawn and adjust my hair and then move towards the gate to see who this new visitor is that has this girl on her toes .

And guess what – there stands the neighbor’s kid with a leash on his hand , and on the other end of the leash is the answer to my curiosity and her anxiety. A three month old Great Dane, which actually Is taller, much taller than my ten month old Labrador. The handsome little guy is standing still and looks scared and confused, quite unlike the unruly brat I have at my place that’s running to fro from one end of the gate to the other, waiting to be set free. Waiting to go out and sniff this handsome pup all over. Now Zoie knows her wish is not about to come true anytime soon. Not with all her antics and pranks , with which she clearly has the little pup – or more of a gentle giant should I say, petrified to death.
I initiate a conversation with the kid petting his dog and find out that they got him just a few hours back. The pup has been christened Tiger. Tiger has eyes that make you wanna melt just by looking at it. Zoie had those, once upon a time but if there’s something I can see in those light grey eyes today, its only mischief except on those days when I actually take a stick and chase zoie all over the house , the two of us running helter skelter around the house, over the sofa, in the kitchen ,all over the garden, in the terrace , crawling over the stairs and falling over the other homo sapiens who happen to be at home at the wrong time and just when I finally get my hands on her tail and am about to give the much deserved spanking , she lies down submissively with her tail between her legs and then she gives me that look, that one look that makes you feel , you were the devil all this while and not she .You were the one chasing an innocent four legged soul all around the house with a cane in hand. And at that moment you begin to loathe yourself and curse yourself and there falls the cane , and before it hits the floor the little devils runs from in between your legs to her safe haven thereby telling you she has managed to fool you once again. And you now realize , it all has to do with those eyes, those innocent sweet little eyes, that make you go awww…. As I do right now looking at this Dane and wonder how long it would be before the pesky kid in the neighborhood gets to chase this one out.

I still wonder how Zoie knew we had a new pet neighbor. What with all that anxiety attacks and commotion early in the morning when we were both meant to be sound asleep. Whether it has anything to do with her olfactory cells or just the so called Dog Intuition, I have no clue .But for the moment Zoie seems to be so smitten by him that she continues to ignore me and stand at the fence separating our homes, not wanting to loose sight of this charming prince even for a second. Well i know you gotta love your neighbor but i hope it doesn’t come at the cost of ‘Dumping your Master’.

Taste Of Bengal @ THE BAYLEAF- Chennai

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. – – – George Bernard Shaw
Well, I completely agree to that. I have been a sucker for food… Good food to be specific. The Best comes from Mom’s Kitchen and the rest that is good ,from restaurants world over. Last weekend I decided to give Bengali cuisine a try. I have wanted to do so for quite some time, and thankfully I found my wish materializing when a friend of mine asked me to accompany him, to one the most popular Bengali restaurants in the City. Now this friend of mine was so smitten by a bong at work that he decided to plunge into the depths of Bengali culture to impress her, and somehow, assumed the best way to learn about a culture is to start with their food. Well I just needed an excuse to eat, and this worked perfectly fine
So where do we land up for lunch?
 The BayLeaf –Gopalapuram- Chennai
Situated right behind Gangotree, this Bengali restaurant is a little off the main road. Now that brings us to a major problem. There’s very little parking space for four wheelers. To the most you can squeeze in three cars and the rest need to battle out for space on a narrow road that supports two way traffic . Once inside , you get to settle down on comfortable couches, with a pillow or two on your lap and tap your feet to the Bengali and Hindi hits played while the waiters politely attend to your requests. To begin with, we were given a complimentary packet of Sukha Bhel  . In my dictionary anything complimentary is a definite plus one. Now for starters we decided to stick to a bowl of soup, and pick one munchy crunchy non vegetarian dish. So we ordered the all too famous Dal shorba for soup and for the appetizer we decided to go with Murgh Tikka Mirza Hasnu (this was the only dish with the longest name in the starter category)which the menu described as Chicken thighs marinated in hung yogurt, garam masala, and cheddar cheese. Served quick enough, the starter was definitely worth the effort (in pronouncing its long name). The thighs were tender , and well cooked and a plate served just the right proportion-Six pieces to be exact. Dal shorba was good, a little spicier but good.
For the main course we ordered a bowl of rice and then picked Koraishutir Dhokar Dalna . Now this actually is a stew that contains dumplings made of dal paste and green peas. The rectangular shaped dumplings –are known as Dhoka.  The gravy was thick but a little sweet. So if you happen to be a Non Bengali and are looking for an accompaniment for rice; and if you happen to be one of those who do not appreciate a sweet dal or a sweet gravy to go with it, this dish is not for you. We also ordered a Chittagong ferry chicken. Apparently this dish  is a part of the traditional East Bengal cuisine and was developed by ferry workers of the Gwaland ferry service plying between the then Calcutta and Chittagong.Well kudos to them for having invented this recipe and to the chef at Bayleaf for replicating it. Loved every portion of it.Now when you are into Bengali cuisine how can you leave out one of the most staple foods of their diet. So next on the list was fish. I ordered the Chef’s special for the day ‘Pomfret Fry’. Now this turned out to be a disappointment because the fish was not adequately fried and the marinating paste sticking on to the fish was raw and uncooked.

Moving on to the desserts, we ordered two of the most popular and well known Bengali dishes not wanting to choose between them. We settled for a bowl of Mishti Doi –the traditional Bengali Sweet yoghurt and a plate of Malpua – Pancakes dipped and soaked in Sugar syrups. These were just an out of the world experience. And NO , I do not have a sweet tooth, but I would still love to go back there and order these again and again.
To sum it up, I would present a Rocky and Mayur style report, Not that I compare myself to them, but I have been watching their show day in and day out and this is just a reflection.
Report Card :
Category Score Comments
Ambience 6/10
Service 8/10
Taste 7/10 +1 for the desserts
Value for Money 6/10 Expensive
Music and bengali chatter FREEEE

Approx cost for 2- Rs1500

‘BEING JUDGMENTAL’

‘JUDGMENTAL’ is a big word. Even bigger are its repercussions. We all tend to judge people. To analyze them, scrutinize them, understand them. We try hard to interpret what they say, harder to interpret what they don’t. We judge on the basis on what we see, what we feel and what we hear. Seldom do we think that what we see, feel and hear, may not be the whole picture but just a small part of the big picture.
I take the train to office most of the days. The pathway to the station is lined with beggars on both sides. Some blind, some crippled, some paralyzed. At the foot of the over bridge, that led to the station, sat one old lady who was paralyzed from the bottom. . She presented a pathetic sight compared to all the other beggars since she could’nt walk or move on her own. I had a soft corner for her. Well most would, given her circumstances. I ended up dropping a coin in her box every time I made my way to the station. All the others were deprived of my sympathies cause I thought they were far better off than the poor old soul. In truth I wasn’t being sympathetic or wise, but just judgmental.
When I moved to my new house, I ended up making three new four legged friends. Jai, Palanivel and  Puppy. Jai and Palanivel were the male dogs while Puppy was an adult female Indian mongrel. There was nothing puppy-ish about her. She was the most bold of the lot .Quite ferocious and aggressive with strangers. While the males were a little laid back and sometimes callous about guarding or protecting the streets, puppy was always on the front. Whether it was a stray cow or a wandering pig that had entered our streets , all three would chase them away, but it was puppy who would lead the pack and chased them till the end of the street while the males would return back well before the immigrants were halfway through. No wonder, puppy with her bold attitude soon won our hearts and our confidence.All three dogs survived on scraps of food being left out by our neighbors after supper. Soon enough we too started feeding them on a regular basis. Since we already had a dog at home, cooking for three other strays was an arduous task, so we decided to feed one stray , apparently any one that would turn up for dinner at our gate.
Most evenings, puppy would turn up. One evening we saw a neighbor feeding puppy , so we decided to call in Jai or Palanivel. But puppy soon turned up at our gate. Dogs have their own rules and they very well know where to draw the line. Seeing puppy , both jai and palanivel backed off. We were surprised to see the males make way for a lady. We felt bad that two other dogs should be deprived of food, while this bitch kept eating all she could lay her hands on. So we decided to stop feeding her. Thereafter we started calling the other two dogs for food. If puppy turned up we would simply go back in , wait till she left and then give the food to one of the other two.This continued for two to three weeks , while puppy continued to visit our home every evening expecting us to change our minds. But unfortunately, she had lost our favor due to her greedy act. We now had soft corners for Jai and Palanivel and treated puppy more like a nuisance, till one day on my way back home I saw puppy hiding behind a neighbor’s garden. I casually made my way to the garden and peeped over the fence. I was unprepared for what i saw next. There in the mud lay three skinny pups cuddling up to their mom’s chest and suckling milk. Puppy had littered. I stood speechless and numb. For weeks we had ignored puppy. We had deprived her of food when she needed it most. She had three puppies of her own who survived on nothing but their mother’s milk and we had taken her need for food as an act of a greedy dog. I hurried home and told mom who found it hard to believe till she came out and saw the pups. Puppy was paying a price for our being judgmental. Puppy’s supply of food was resumed, amidst our hope that it wasn’t too late and the pups would survive.

That night, as I slept I realized what we had ended up doing. We are taught to be judgmental. To keep ourselves protected, to keep ourselves from being outsmarted. What we don’t realize is that once we start judging we just don’t stop, with judging people at work or in colleges. We start judging everyone, fellow travelers, people on the road, neighbors, in my case even beggars and dogs. The next morning as I made my way to station I observed each of the beggars. Each had a disability. Every beggar was helpless in his own way yet most continued to walk without glancing their way. As I reached the foot of the bridge I saw at least six people drop their coins into the old lady’s bowl. I turned back and realize d that all most everyone ignored the other beggars. While all their bowls stood empty hers was the only one brimming with coins. She was the same beggar who I felt deserved some sympathy. Apparently many others thought the same way.
Unfortunately we were all wrong. She might have been the one with most issues. She did present a pathetic sight. But that did not give me or anyone else the right to decide that others didn’t deserve it as much as she did. We were judging based on what we saw. We have sympathies for the worst of the lot. Imagine if god decided to hear the prayers of the soul who was most affected, and ignore everybody else, would anyone of us even stand a chance. No, because somewhere down the line we know we are all better than somebody else. That we have issues and problems, but there’s somebody else who has a lot more to deal with. Being judgmental is not our job. Let’s leave it someone who is higher than us and better than us at judging. To someone who sees the bigger and the whole picture
…And as i post this blog, the loyal bitch who taught me all this, is happily and contentedly sleeping outside my gate.

Eternal Wait…

 A cyclone brews, in the depths of my soul,
Turmoil rises, from the pits of my stomach
Enclosed in numbness, devoid of your touch
My aching eyes, crave for your sight
Come back, I pray, don’t leave me alone
 
 The last time I smiled, when you waved goodbye
With tear filled eyes, our last embrace
Weeks have passed, months flew by
At the door I stood, thro’ autumn and spring
Desperate and alone, to hope I cling
 
 How hard I tried, to hold thee back
From flying into the arms of the one you love
What more could I do, to take her place?
Have I loved you less, or hurt you more?
Yet, all I have been, is your second wife
 
To die for her, you will never hesitate
And life without you, I cannot contemplate
Defeated I was before the battle began
For I have always known, the bitter truth
Between the two of us, she would always come first
 
Afraid I am, will always be,
What if you choose, never to return
Cry I will not, for I made you a promise
The day I chose to be a soldier’s wife
And stand by you, for the rest of my life
 
 You aren’t just mine, but the nation’s pride
How then can I stop you, or hold thee back
Your country beckons, Go be her son
I know you’ll come back, Come back for me.
Wait I will, till I breathe my last